Post partum hormones - what a bitch!
I have written this post in my head a thousand times but every time I get a minute to post it I think I have left it to long and that they have all settled down by now. While my emotions seem to be better than the weeks after Edwards birth I still struggle sometimes!
I go up and down multiple times a week (even within just a few minutes!). I go from feeling amazing and thinking I have everything under control to realising that I am failing in every aspect of my life. It like one minute I am on top of the world, conquering the largest of mountains to drowning in the deepest of seas with no way out and with no-one to help me.
It is absolutely insane. I mean absolutely fine most of the time (well besides when both kids are screaming for my attention and I have to make one of them wait but that is normal!) and then all of a sudden out of no-where I am borderline breaking down with tears welling in my eyes. Emma is now 6 weeks old and these breakdowns are occurring less often but starting to last longer. The longer they last the harder it is to snap out of them. These feelings and thoughts have started playing on my mind even when I am not down in the dumps.
I love Emma and Edward with all my being but I feel like I am failing them. That Marc and I aren’t going to last. That I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life. That I am never going to make anything of myself since I dropped out of uni. That I just annoy every one. That I am the ‘black sheep’ of the family.
The moods swings suck butt and I want them to hurry up and leave. Not sure how much longer I an cope with them -_-.
ps. if we talk in real life (Jess, Ash, etc.) I prefer not to discuss this. This is just a venting post because I think maybe it will help me in the long run.